I began to prepare for birth of my first child right after I found I was pregnant. I read books, swam laps, attended prenatal yoga, ate an excellent, mostly vegetarian diet and a good friend of mine took me to see 'Orgasmic Birth'. I truly believed (and still do) that birth is a natural and beautiful process that does not often require medical intervention. I did not have an extensive birth plan, I just wanted to labor in water with my husband and doula. Now on to what really happened...
Let me begin by saying that labor began me for me when I was exhausted, several days after my due date. I had been sick for two days with a fast and ferocious flu. A quick succession of symptoms (sore throat, runny nose, sinus blockade) had kept me awake for all but five of the previous 48 hours when I felt my first contraction. My first contraction hit at about 3 am, on Dec 23, 2009 and I knew it was the start of labor. Half asleep, I contracted regularly, although I could not say how often, as I unsuccessfully tried to get back to sleep. My husband, Jesse, woke up at his regular time, about 7 am, and by then I was contracting very regularly, about 5 - 10 minutes apart. I was determined to labor at home as long as possible. By noon my contractions were about 5 minutes apart, occasionally stretching to 10 minutes apart and sometimes as short as 4 mins. I called my midwife and doula and let them knew this would be the day. I labored in my bed, often rocking around on my hands and knees, and felt good about the process. My husband helped me through some of the contractions, in between packing and putting the car seat in the car. I was happy and relaxed. So far, it hurt, but using the techniques I learned in yoga and from books made the pain manageable. I was enjoying the process and was looking forward to meeting my daughter. I waited as long as I dared before heading to the hospital, which was about 4 pm that evening, after I had been contracting every 5 minutes for hours.
Jesse and I arrived in labor and delivery and were admitted into triage. My doula, Onyshia, arrived shortly thereafter. Waiting for the midwife to arrive, we paced the halls and during contractions I leaned on my husband with my arms around his neck while Onyshia proved counter-pressure on my back. The midwife arrived for my examination and I was hoping to hear that we were well on our way to Zelda's arrival and would be admitted to a labor room soon. I was extremely dismayed to hear that I was only 1 to 1.5 cm dilated. I couldn't believe it, all those contractions and not even close to active labor! They said I could go home, which I definitely wanted to do. I wanted to labor in my own bed, my own nest. However, before I could go home, they had to do a couple of routine checks. A doctor wheeled in portable ultrasound machine and proceeded to check my amniotic fluids levels. He immediately began to point out that my amniotic fluid was so low as to be nonexistent. My heart dropped. He told me that I would now have to be constantly monitored, as there was danger of umbilical cord collapse. I could not go home and would be shortly admitted to labor & delivery. He left and my midwife began talking to me about something, I can't remember what, I was so upset. It was my worst labor fear come true. My brother has cerebral palsy and my biggest fear about delivery was that oxygen to my baby would be compromised. Up until now I had kept my labor 'game face' on and remained calm and brave. Like I said, the midwife was speaking to me, and asked me something, I don't remember what either, and I said "I'm afraid" and burst out sobbing. Right then the whole room came together around me. My midwife did an amazing job reassuring me and telling me it was all going to be okay. As they reassured me I was relieved my 'game face' was off and my heart was now on my sleeve, because this was no place for bravery; birth is an open and honest ordeal.
We were admitted and labored, labored, labored and I was tired, tired, tired, still having powerful contractions every 3-7 minutes. By midnight I was really starting to fade. My midwife told me I wasn't going to deliver until tomorrow and so she was going to home for awhile and everyone should go get some rest. I just couldn't believe I had so long to go, every 5 minutes was an eternity. A nurse came in and was rather insistent that I have some pain medicine so I could get some rest, since I had a big day tomorrow. I was so determined I was going to have a natural delivery, but I was also so very tired and laboring was so much more intense than I had realized and there was no chance of me getting rest in the state I was in. I was a little miffed that the nurse was pushing the pain relief, but I was also a little relieved as well. After much negotiation with the doctors and nurses, I accepted the shortest acting painkiller they had, which lasted for only a couple of hours. I had rejected the longer acting 6-hour drug. They gave me the short drug, everyone left, they turned down the lights, and my husband feel asleep in the chair beside me. The contractions were still powerful and painful, but did not have the overriding intensity they had before. I could now lay back and think. This was the most important part of labor for me. I was alone with my thoughts. I had an idea of how my labor was supposed to be, and it was definitely not going according to plan. Because I had to be monitored, there was no laboring in the water for me. I was scared, and I was tired. I knew deep down that I would have a really hard time making it, but I was so afraid that my husband and my doula would be disappointed in me if I took the pain relief. I was afraid I would be disappointed in me, and forever regret my decision. I was also afraid that an epidural would rob some of the magic from my experience, making my baby more sluggish and our meeting less transplendent. Over time, laboring alone in a darkened room, I began to realize this was my labor, and I had to call this shot. I knew I needed to rest, and that I wasn't going to make it without some pharmacological help. I have often heard that some women regret what happened in their labor. I think it's because they didn't have time to come to terms with changes in their birth plans. C-sections, etc. can become medically necessary in a heartbeat and before a woman knows it, she is no longer in control and she loses command of what is supposed to be her labor and of herself. I think I wasn't disappointed in what happened because I had time to come to grips with my changing plans. If I had any advice for other woman, it is to go ahead and do the research, make your birth plan, and formulate all your opinions on how you want things done. But when it comes down to it, be prepared for nothing to go your way, and to give yourself permission to make any call you feel you want. Don't worry about disappointing yourself or others because you don't do this or that, or because you don't make it 'au natural'. I decided to get the epidural. Never once did anyone, not my husband, midwife or doula, show less than 100% support for my decision. My husband, whose opinion I cared about the most, later remarked he was very proud of me for making it 24 hours without pain relief. Getting the epidural was the worst part of my labor. It took them seven tries, all while I was trying to hold still through several painful contractions. Ouch. But once the epidural was in the relief was immediate and immense. I could think, and enjoy the fact I was in labor, and I promptly fell asleep.
During the night and the next morning, I agreed to a low dose of pitocin, another item that was definitely not in my birth plan. By morning, I was 7 cm dilated and then 9 and they told me I would be pushing by lunchtime. The original Star Wars trilogy started on TV. By start of 'The Empire Strikes Back' it was clear we had hit a stall. One side of my cervix was swollen and not open all the way. It seemed that my daughter had her head tilted to one side and was not coming out. I was worried that they would insist on a C-section. My midwife let me wait and see. We watched the second Star Wars movie, and then the third. I was having very powerful contractions and nothing was progressing, my cervix was only getting more swollen. There was a definite feel in the air that if things didn't change, a C-section would be necessary. Finally, a doctor came, reached in and freed my daughter's head. I was so relieved! It was push time! After all this waiting! By now it was Christmas Eve and I had half the staff in my room, including two doctors, two midwives, two nurses, my doula and my husband. We all watched Star Wars and they cheered me on as I pushed. I didn't have to worry about relaxing, and letting my 'inner monkey' do the work because I was surrounded by all these wonderful people. There were scary moments at the end. After most contractions, my daughter's heart rate would plummet and the midwives, nurses and doctors would all pick me up and turn me over, to free her umbilical cord. Part of me was nervous, and I could tell the staff was nervous, but I felt so reassured with everyone's presence. I was in their hands and they would all make sure everything was all right. I relaxed into my labor and pushed with all my might. I was so excited that she was finally almost here. Another thing that happened, was that I poo-ed a little with many of the pushes. When I think about how much I had worried about that happening before labor, and how much I really didn't care when it happened, I have to laugh. My doula had baby music playing from my iPod, and my midwife, watching the final dark scenes with Darth Vader marching to cutesy music remarked that she didn't remember seeing this happy version. Ha! After some more cheering and pushing, my daughter was finally here! I vividly remember as her wet body was put on mine for the first time. I was in awe of her. My husband Jesse cut the cord, and I was so proud of him. She was on my chest and I could not believe how beautiful she was. Eva Zelda's birth was magical and transformative. No epidural, pitocin, or lack of tub time could ever change that. I regret nothing and would go through it all again and more to hold my amazing and healthy daughter. Eva Zelda arrived at 5:49 pm on Christmas Eve, Dec. 24, 2009. She was 7 lbs. 7 oz., and 19 1/2 in. I would like to thank our midwives Meghean B and Kathyrn B and the entire staff of the Medical College of Virginia for all of their help at this amazing experience.
Moon S