Dear Friends,

As many of you know, I have been working – along with a number of talented and dedicated women – on the development of a prenatal/postnatal fitness and education center, with the goal of providing better resources for Richmond’s expecting and new families. Businesses, like babies, require constant attention, provide steep learning curves, and don’t always behave as we would like, so in the last few months I’ve often found myself feeling the way many new mothers describe themselves – alternately euphoric and exhausted, astonished and completely overwhelmed by the magnitude of the work before me.  On a recent Sunday, after a bad night’s sleep, I found myself traveling down the dark road to self-doubt. The nay-saying part of my personality gained the advantage and began spewing judgments. “What were you thinking?” it said, “What made you think you could possibly accomplish such an gargantuan task?” and my favorite line, “You are so inadequate to this job.” My dear husband patiently put up with a whole day of tears and anguish as I muddled through this crisis of confidence in myself.

I have heard similar feelings reflected by many new moms as they are challenged by the sheer relentlessness of parenting a new baby. Confident and used to accomplishing much in other areas of their lives, they are suddenly out of their comfort zone, struggling with what they expected would be a joyous process. In the face of such an enormous and demanding task – the parenting of a precious new life – our inadequacies loom large. Then we compound matters by beating ourselves up for our perceived shortcomings. And then the tears begin to flow.

What pulled me out of the depths of my own crisis was repeating over and over to myself words that were offered to me when I became a mother, and that I find myself repeating to others: Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to do it all – in fact you can’t. Just do the best you can each day, and then let go of the results of your actions. Allow yourself to have the difficult feelings, but remember that self-doubt is plentiful when you are short on sleep, food, and down time. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Remember that all of life – even the parts we don’t like very much – are opportunities for growth and learning.

Moments of doubt and vulnerability can be part of a larger pattern of growth. Tears can serve a purpose: they crack the hardened surfaces of our defense systems and expose the tenderness beneath them. The softening that tears encourage can also propel us toward self-awareness, and the motivation to change things that are not working for us in our lives. Here’s the trick: how do we befriend the raw, vulnerable aspects of ourselves without shutting down, closing off, or turning away.

In the Buddhist tradition, this soft, open, vulnerable aspect of oneself is called “bodhichitta”, which translates roughly to “awakened heart”, or “completely open mind”.  It represents our ability to feel the pain we share with others, to relate to both our sorrow and our gratitude. Like water flowing out of rock, bodhichitta connects us with the unceasing and impermanent nature of life – an awareness that rises very close to the surface when we are in proximity with beings like babies, who can flash kaleidoscopic change within seconds. Our child’s cry of pain – or smile of comfort – has the power to touch us deeply, to break open our hearts, to bring us to our knees. In caring for our children, our compassion is awakened.

And there perhaps is the lesson – that in our vulnerable, even wretched moments, we offer ourselves the same kindness and unconditional acceptance that we give to our children. That we sit gently with ourselves when we’re tired, and cranky, and impatient – and allow the life that is ours to be the gift that it is – even if it’s not the life we thought we had ordered. Then the inevitable rough patches in our lives can be transformed into opportunities for greater awareness and growth. 

Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, outlines a practice for “The Transformation of Bad Circumstances into the Path of Enlightenment” in her book The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. The practice is simple but profound: “Be grateful to everyone.” Even people and circumstances that we resist or dislike may be bearing gifts beyond measure. With the falling of the leaves and the coming of Thanksgiving, I give thanks for the people and situations, both bitter and sweet, which grace my life.

I wish you a joyful and peaceful Thanksgiving Holiday.

Namaste,

Leslie 

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What's New

• Gift Certificates: Holiday gift certificates are available for purchase through our on-line scheduler. Your family and friends can purchase gift certificates for specific classes or in any amount they choose to be placed in your account till you’re ready to redeem them. Just click on the Online Store tab from our “Schedule” page and follow the prompts under “Gift Certificates and Account Credit.”
• Refer a Friend Program: When you refer a friend to OmMama, you receive a $5 credit toward future classes and your friend receives a 10% discount off her first purchase. Click here to download Refer a Friend cards to share or pick one up when you’re at the studio.
• Itsy Bitsy Yoga Classes start December 2nd. We’re offering a short, three-week session of Itsy Bitsy Yoga classes for Babies, Tots, and Tykes to close out the year. Sign up under “Series Classes” on our on-line scheduler.
• Holiday Cancellations:
  Please note the following holiday cancellations:
  Thanksgiving: No classes on Thursday November 27th and Friday November 28th. Classes resume on Saturday, November 29th.
  Saturday, December 6th: Prenatal class is canceled due to an LGRA event.
  Winter Break: No classes between December 24th and January 1. All classes resume on January 2nd.
• Our Winter 2009 Schedule is now posted on our on-line scheduler. You’ll receive a 5% early registration discount when you register for any of our 2009 Series Classes or Workshops by December 15th. To redeem online, enter the code ERD20091 when purchasing classes. This discount may not be combined with other discounts, and does not apply to gift certificates or on-going prenatal or postnatal classes.
• Healthy Mamas Training Team will begin group runs/walks in preparation for the Monument Avenue 10k in mid-January. Another great way to boost your health and that of your baby! Listed under Events in our on-line scheduler, and additional information may be found here.
• Help us Grow! Part-time Administrative Support Needed: OmMama is seeking an organized, detail oriented, self-motivated person to help with back office functions, recordkeeping, and program development. Strong computer skills are a must; facility with Word, Excel, and QuickBooks a plus. We anticipate that this position will initially be 4 – 6 hours a week, and that some work may be able to be completed remotely. If interested, please send a resume and cover letter to info@OmMama.com. 
• A Study of the Transition to Parenting: A VCU Research Study investigating how the birth of a child affects a couple’s relationship is looking for married, pregnant couples having their first baby. Up to $350 in incentives for couples who complete questionnaires and follow-up interviews. For more information, please call the Project Coordinator, Don Davis, at Virginia Commonwealth University, 804-335-5173.
  

Birth Story

Spencer Keating

I got home from yoga at 8:15 pm and had dinner, a meatloaf that my mom had dropped off earlier.  Rob had invited a friend over to have some wine and he and I were sitting on the couch.  At 8:55 I didn’t feel so well and I got up to use the bathroom, back to the couch and still not feeling well and I went into the kitchen.  Rob came in and asked if I was ok, I responded, “Brian has to leave, RIGHT NOW!” . . .

Read Full Birth Story

Postnatal Article

Moving from Crib to Bed
By Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

When your child moves from crib to bed it’s a milestone in his life as well as yours. There is no precise time for making this move, though typically it’s between the first and third birthday. The key to success is to be patient and allow your child time to adjust to the change.

Why move a child from crib to bed?
If a child sleeps well in his crib, don’t rush the change. Switching to a bed gives a child freedom and brings new issues for parents, such as the yo-yo syndrome or early morning wanderings. The most common reasons to switch:

• Your child learns how to climb.
  --- Move your child out of the crib when the rail is up to the level of his nipples, since climbing out is more possible.
• Your child outgrows the crib.
  --- Don’t assume it’s time! You may think that he’s uncomfortable, but he may be content in his little nest.
• Your child asks for a bed.
  --- If she’s old enough, then go ahead and take the leap.
• Your child is learning how to use the toilet.
  --- Even if your child uses the toilet during the day, it’s often a long while before bedtime dryness happens.
• A new sibling is on the way.
  --- If your little one loves his crib, then ousting him to make room for the newcomer may add stress. If you feel that the time is right then make the change two months or more before your newborn arrives.

What kind of bed should my child move to?
There are a number of options for a child’s first bed:

• Toddler bed
  These are small, low and child-sized. They have guard rails on all sides, and come in playful designs.
• Regular bed
  A common choice is a mattress, box springs and bed frame (with all sides protected from fall-outs). Consider a double or bigger size to accommodate the night-reading ritual.
• Mattress on the floor
  A popular choice is a mattress or futon on the floor. This provides your little one with a big-kid bed, but one that prevents any painful falls.
• Bunk bed 
  Hold off on a bunk bed until your child is 6 years old, when it is considered safe.
  

How do we make the change?
Which approach is best for you will depend on your reasons for making the change, your child’s personality, and the size of his room. Here are a few options:

• Big-kid bed hoopla
  Some children enjoy having an official Big Kid Day party. Set up the bed, decorate the room and add a few sleep-related gifts like books and stuffed animals.
• One-step-at-a-time
  Take the mattress out of the crib and place it on the floor in the place as the crib was. This gives your child the same sleeping surface and view of the room as he’s accustomed to. Place guard rails around the sides to create a crib-like enclosure. Keep the same bedding and crib toys. This is a mid-step between the crib and a real bed.
• The gradual introduction
  Set up the new bed in the same room with the crib. Allow your child to play on the bed and nap there. Do your bedtime reading in the new bed. This will help your child get used to the bed gradually.

Patience and encouragement
No matter which path you choose - be patient. Big steps toward growth often happen in spurts, and your child may be excited to welcome the change one day, but wary of it the next. Maintain your nightly bedtime routine and help your child develop a positive association with his new bed, since he’ll be sleeping there for many years to come.

This article is a copyrighted excerpt from The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley (McGraw-Hill, 2005)

Prenatal & Postnatal Resources

Check out the new Pregnancy Connection Directory for local maternity care and service providers. It’s growing all the time.

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